Fearing the day
When I heard the explosion at 11 a.m. Monday morning, I had no idea I was listening to my colleagues being killed. The blast sounded just like the two other blasts - booming, rumbling, base sounds like claps of thunder – I’d heard before 9 a.m.
VIDEO: CBS correspondent Kimberly Dozier continues to fight for her life after a blast killed two of her colleagues during a new wave of violence in Iraq. NBC's Richard Engel reports from Baghdad.
Now that I know what happened, however, I can’t help but imagine the scene. I don’t want to. I can’t help it. I can see the aftermath, that evil kaleidoscope of smoke, blood, metal, soldiers and guns, all colored red with panic and blanketed with the lingering smell of munitions like a million struck matches.
We all fear that this day will come, the day when a bomb will tear a piece off of us.
So fragile
I was in a Humvee this weekend on an embed and remember looking down at my legs.
They looked so thin and fragile. For a second I thought, "What if I lose them?"
On Monday, Kim Dozier, Paul Douglas and James Brolan's numbers came up.
Dozier’s brother told us tonight that he’d told his sister she’d been "pushing her luck." She’d been coming here too much, he felt. Evidently, she didn’t listen.
Tonight my mother grounded me. She sent me this email: "YOU ARE UNDER HOUSE ARREST UNTIL YOU CAN BOOK A FLIGHT OUT OF THERE...Moms orders...Be careful...Love you.. Mom"
We’ve gone through this before. She is supportive of what I do and sends magazines and whole hams for Christmas. She knows I am going to stay and keep reporting. But it is the frequency we all worry about, knowing that eventually, everyone gets caught out.
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Slide Show
- Life beyond the violence
Suicide attacks and murders due to sectarian conflict continue around Iraq. See how residents live their lives amid the attacks.




Reader outpouring
As Consumers of the News Media, we often lose sight of the fact that these reporters, camera persons, and technicians are putting their lives on the line while we sit safely isolated from the true horrors of this tragedy. My heartfelt thanks and well wishes go out to all of them. I always admire people of honor who's jobs put them in peril and never get the recognition they deserve. For those who died and for those left to pick up the pieces of shattered lives and dreams unfulfilled, I offer my prayers and sympathy.
Frank F. (Sent May 30, 2006 12:07:02 PM)
It is ironic to hear so much discourse about the great work and courage of our brave and selfless journalists, who risk life and limb to bring us the stories from the frontlines of the war against radical Islam. HOW ABOUT REPORTING ON THE GREAT WORK AND COURAGE OF OUR SOLDIERS FOR ONCE?!??!
Like most people, I'm saddened that these fine journalists were killed while reporting from inside a war zone, but are they the only ones deserving of long, laudatory eulogies and primetime requiem?
One story that is notably absent in our Free Press is that we are engaged in World War IV out there, in a battle royal for just about everything we stand for and hold dear (all non-burqa wearing women take note). When filtered through the prism of a sensational, cynical and callous Press, we're reminded only of the deficiencies of our Leaders and our Armed Services, the horror stories of atrocities committed by our soldiers and the certain failure of our policies.
Our brave men and women in uniform are being maimed and killed everyday in this fight, but thanks to the politics of modern journalism, their good deeds and heroism are buried with them in the knowledge that to acknowledge their Goodness might validate the cause for which they have sacrificed. And that's not a story that's fit to print.
RS, Los Angeles (Sent May 30, 2006 12:34:03 PM)
I have the utmost repect for these brave reporters, risking their lives on the line to report stories that would only be the most genuine article coming out of Iraq (instead of George W. Bush's mouth and his mouthpiece). While some reporters paid the ultimate sacrifice, others must fill in and complete the stories of untold.
Too bad this war is going down the spiral and out of control. Politicians on the helm today are creating a perfect environment for suicidal missions in Iraq.
Steve, Baldwin Park, California (Sent May 30, 2006 12:39:55 PM)
After having both Ms. Dozier and Mr. Woodruff suffer severe head injuries from shrapnel, I wonder why all news outlets do not do the obvious and require their correspondents to exercise safety precautions and wear a helmet - especially when reporting from the streets and posing a very tempting target. It might not be glamorous for the broadcasts, but their safety should be a primary concern. They are after all in a war zone and would make the point effectively. I don't believe you find any soldiers patrolling without this basic equipment. You only have to examine Ms. Dozier's picture above. She may be wearing her flak jacket, but the soldiers in the background are wearing full combat gear.
Peace be with you all.
Claudia Gimson, Atlanta, GA (Sent May 30, 2006 1:11:11 PM)
It is devastating to read about all the bombings . So much pain and suffering. I really appreciate you guys reporting what is happening but please be careful and watch your backs.
Sandra G, Ardmore, Pennsylvania (Sent May 30, 2006 1:11:24 PM)
I understand why you do what you do and why you have stayed so long in Iraq. You do it for ALL the men and women there and you do it for US! I know this as our daughter returns for the second time with the Army. I join with your Mom in praying for you and doing some act of kindness for a family that has a loved one away from their loving arms!
Rev. John Kerr, Jefferson City, Missouri (Sent May 30, 2006 6:06:55 PM)
I agree with the comments that soldiers are being killed and maimed every day but we hear very little about their backgrounds, they are treated as a statistic. I feel the public should read the blog sites of the soldiers to get the true story of the war; let the reporters go home and do their reporting on national events.
G Larkin, Illinois (Sent May 30, 2006 6:20:24 PM)
It is a great tragedy whenever a life is lost so prematurely but I am especially saddened when it is a service member or a journalist covering the war they are bravely fighting. Whatever our feelings may be about our involvement in Iraq, we should all be greatful for the sacrifices made by our men and women in the military as well as those made every day by the journalists who cover the story in an attempt to "bring it home" for us. Richard, please be safe ( as much as is possible in your corner of the world)and extend my sympathies to your "community" for the loss of two more of your own.
Sam Hovell Daphne, Alabama (Sent May 30, 2006 6:35:08 PM)
We are all saddened by what befell the CBS crew. It must be said that your mother is right!
Ed Donaldson, New York, New York (Sent May 30, 2006 6:35:25 PM)
It is really disingenuous to suggest there is no news about troops in Iraq and their injuries and deaths, and what the impact is on their families. Stories like these are on the news every night and every day. To suggest the opposite is to expose your own support for this illegal and insane war.
Terry House, Los Angeles CA (Sent May 30, 2006 7:32:21 PM)
Remember there is a very fine line between bravery and foolishness........................Our troops don't have a choice, every other American over there does. I'm sorry for everyone's loss.
A. Longley (Sent May 30, 2006 8:55:32 PM)
Richard,
Thanks for sharing your experiences and the stories in Baghdad. My heart and prayers go with you and your colleagues. Praying here for you and them.
Thank you for all that you guys do to bring the story in Baghdad here to us.
May the Lord protect you each day and give you His strength through all that you are experiencing.
Shannon McKemie, Placentia CA (Sent May 30, 2006 9:59:18 PM)
Casualties of war..always tragic,but part of war.It doesn't matter whose to blame politically for getting us into Iraq(republican or democrat) The decision was made by the U.S. government, and we, as Americans should ALL be supportive and PROUD of ALL people involved in doing their respective jobs connected to this war.They are doing what they are trained for and beyond.I am tired of all the complaining from "armchair quarterbacks" who aren't there, and cannot know how it really is.Let us ALL use our thoughts and energies in a more positive way and SHOW our support ! I have known as friends or relatives, people who have fought in WW 2, Korea, Vietnam, and Irag! They are ALL HEROES...TO HAVE BEEN THERE!!
E.J.Craft (Sent May 30, 2006 10:15:27 PM)
Richard,
It was close to midnight in India, when I heard from BBC that a US news reporter was hurt. I instantly, literally prayed that it should not be you- not that I want someone else to be hurt….I have been watching you from the days of “Shock and Awe”, when you were reporting to Peter Jennings. I recall how much Peter was concerned about your safety while he asked you to go downstairs if you felt like….Yes, we the viewers want to hear the truth, listen from the best in the business…..but a feeling of guilt is always there, when I ask myself :At what expense? At the expense of a fine journalist risking his life?” I say this a million times-“stay safe” and move to Beirut soon. BTW, mom knows best!
Wishing Kim a speedy recovery.
Praying for your safety.
Swetha
Swetha, Chennai, India (Sent May 31, 2006 5:27:19 AM)
We appreceiate all of the news. We who have family members and co-workers especially appreceiate the news. You do a great job. BUT given the increased level of violence, please consider doing your stories from the balcony for a while. I will continue to pray for all of you and your families.
Michelle, Austin, Texas (Sent May 31, 2006 4:33:49 PM)
Dear Mr. Richard Engel,
I was truly sorry to hear about the unfortunate deaths of Mr. Paul Douglas and Mr. James Brolan, in addition to the condition of Ms. Kimberly Dozier.
All of you are in my thoughts and prays. Please, please, please stay safe and be careful.
Leila (Sent May 31, 2006 4:36:50 PM)
Why are people always critical in judgement??? Instead of offering encouragement to people in dangerous places, risking thier lives to show u the "real" stuff, you put them down....I dont get it, and I dont think I will ever get it..
I think as journalists you guys are doing a great job...Id rather know whats happening from insides than hear and see stuff on biased tv stations, be it they are against whats happening right now or pro...I like things to be told as it is...and sometimes people cannot handle the truth...
I wish I was still there in Baghdad, but it was time for us to leave...May all those who died, be it Iraqis, or coalition forces rest in peace...
neurotic iraqi wife (Sent May 31, 2006 6:14:23 PM)
Richard:
Do as your mother says!!!! I admire you and your professional approach to the issues in Iraq. God speed and best of luck in Beruit. I have admired you for years, read your book, and only wish you the very best. Please be safe and take care.
Nick Lomax Reno, Nevada (Sent May 31, 2006 8:30:34 PM)
Go speed Kimberly's physical recovery...
I feel a deep sorrow seeing her picture being carried, she however is carrying a whole scene in her head and she now needs as much support as she can get from everyone.
I know... I have served with a few PSC's out there since start of 2004 until last month and feel for her and her family.
What we do out there is beyond comprehension, no matter what people think and regardless of our jobs, we have the nightmares. Most of us have very very good Iraqi friends, each time we leave think we may never see them again, some good is being done over there...however outsiders are making it look different.
I have been lucky enough to get out of situations and avoided being blown up (so-far) but have still been in the mayhem all around us...lost friends & colleagues and recently witnessed all our nightmares in conversations...glad were all talking about them...you don't feel alone anymore.
I wish Kimberly my best and hope that day has been erased from her memory, then hopefully she doesn't get the dreams/nightmares.
Quote from A.Longley (above):
"Bravery and Foolishness..." and follows it up with a "sorry for everyones loss".
It's happening out there...some of us are trying to help...SOME ARE NOT. The lady is fighting for her life, please respect that.
S.H
S.H, United Kingdom (Sent May 31, 2006 8:33:30 PM)
Dear Richard,
I greatly admire your devotion to telling the stories of the Iraq War and I salute the courage you possess each day to go out and bring us such intelligent, compassionate, and honest reports about what goes on over there. I am so sorry about the deaths of your CBS colleagues and I am praying for the recovery of Kimberly Dozier.
You are also in my prayers--I pray that you remain safe while being able to continue to do what you love.
Your mother is a wise woman--Listen to her!! How fortunate that you will be able to move to Beirut! Congratulations!
You are a great inspiration to me and to so many other young journalists and professional writers.
Wishing you continued saftey and success,
Natalia
Natalia Fiore, Tampa, Florida (Sent Jun 1, 2006 11:12:43 AM)
I am heartsick at the continued loss of life in Iraq. The attack upon the CBS news journalist and her camera crew brings home, once again, the tragedy of this war. Everyone is a target! No one is exempt! However, we must continue to receive information about what is going on over there. The free press has to cover this story. If not, there will never be a chance that this Nation will wake up and say enough is enough loud enough to put a stop to it. It was a gigantic mistake. My son is in the 6th month of his first tour and told us he could hear, and feel, the bomb that killed the camera crew. He could tell by the feel and sound that something terrible had happened. We pray for his and the other soldiers safe return and agonize over the continued loss of life. Richard, pass the torch on and let someone else cover the story. My brother flew two combat missions in Vietnam and they tried to send him a third time. He told me his number was up. He could feel it and refused to go. It cost him his commission. But, you can walk away and know, in your heart, you gave more than most. Don't mess with the odds. Ms. Dozier's brother was right. Your mother is right.
Don Moore, Sagle, Idaho (Sent Jun 1, 2006 10:54:19 PM)
I am saddened by the deaths and injuries in this incident. In the same way I am thankful for the reporters that accompany the troops in these situations and share the dangers. I would ask that all reporters hold firm to the truth and avoid hidden agendas and sensationalism in order show the barbarism of the terrorists for what it truly is. I do not want the reporters to stay away from Iraq as many have suggested. I am also confident that most servicemebers feel the same way. We are proud to provide protection and let the truth be known to the world. Stay true and stay safe.
Bill, USAF, overseas (Sent Jun 2, 2006 10:09:23 AM)
Brave men and women come from all walks of life. They teach us of courage and truth. This war is beginng to teach us lessons on the great need for wise leaders who can temper strengh with restraint. We can pray to a God that understands forgiveness, love and redemption for us all. For all that find themselves directly involved with this conflict may God give you peace and comfort.
EA. Grimaldi (Sent Jun 2, 2006 11:49:09 AM)
I FEEL BAD ABOUT ANY PEACE LOVING HUMANS DEATH CAUSED BY SUB-HUMAN TERRORISTS. But, imbedded media have no business in a combat zone. War is not pretty and many innocents die. I wonder how many of our GI'S have been maimed and killed because of the enemy.s practice of using the media to further their cause. And why hasn`t the media condemmend the Al-Quida in all the killings against civillians. How quick to blame our troops for a scoop. Please put the blame where it belongs and go back to your studios and report news Like Huntley and Brinkley did. Leave the war to professionals
John Baron Dartmouth Mass. USMC Vetnam (Sent Jun 2, 2006 6:15:00 PM)
As a VietNam veteran with a son now in the Army I am reminded daily of the horrors of war. God bless all the troops and the media for their sacrifice and patriotism. The families being destroyed by this carnage are always in the background. If more people knew the cost of war they would rise up and demand the end of this travesty. Again, God bless the troops.
Jack Davis, Tucson, Arizona (Sent Jun 2, 2006 7:01:09 PM)
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