Fearing the day
When I heard the explosion at 11 a.m. Monday morning, I had no idea I was listening to my colleagues being killed. The blast sounded just like the two other blasts - booming, rumbling, base sounds like claps of thunder – I’d heard before 9 a.m.
VIDEO: CBS correspondent Kimberly Dozier continues to fight for her life after a blast killed two of her colleagues during a new wave of violence in Iraq. NBC's Richard Engel reports from Baghdad.
Now that I know what happened, however, I can’t help but imagine the scene. I don’t want to. I can’t help it. I can see the aftermath, that evil kaleidoscope of smoke, blood, metal, soldiers and guns, all colored red with panic and blanketed with the lingering smell of munitions like a million struck matches.
We all fear that this day will come, the day when a bomb will tear a piece off of us.
So fragile
I was in a Humvee this weekend on an embed and remember looking down at my legs.
They looked so thin and fragile. For a second I thought, "What if I lose them?"
On Monday, Kim Dozier, Paul Douglas and James Brolan's numbers came up.
Dozier’s brother told us tonight that he’d told his sister she’d been "pushing her luck." She’d been coming here too much, he felt. Evidently, she didn’t listen.
Tonight my mother grounded me. She sent me this email: "YOU ARE UNDER HOUSE ARREST UNTIL YOU CAN BOOK A FLIGHT OUT OF THERE...Moms orders...Be careful...Love you.. Mom"
We’ve gone through this before. She is supportive of what I do and sends magazines and whole hams for Christmas. She knows I am going to stay and keep reporting. But it is the frequency we all worry about, knowing that eventually, everyone gets caught out.
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Slide Show
- Life beyond the violence
Suicide attacks and murders due to sectarian conflict continue around Iraq. See how residents live their lives amid the attacks.




Reader outpouring
I was so sorry to hear of the deaths of the CBS cameraman and sound man and the injury of your news person.
David Landy, Seminole, FL (Sent May 30, 2006 9:28:53 AM)
I can only marvel at the overwhelming courage of all those in the new media covering this ghastly war...
We hold them in our hearts, as we do our courageous troops....
We are sickened each day as we read of the bombs that are used to kill or severly wound so many of our troops, those in the news media and the innocent Iraqui people themselves.
God Helop Us All...
Our grandson is in the U.S. Marines.
Michele Caywood, Sardis, Ohio (Sent May 30, 2006 9:44:15 AM)
just a gut wrenthing story, well spoken, a pity, take care listen to mom
anthone smoth (Sent May 30, 2006 9:44:16 AM)
What compels you to stay there so long? It seems like you have been there forever. You have been there longer than any soldier stays - even if they do more than one rotation. I don't blame your mother - you should come home - you know the odds change after awhile - you can't report if you are dead or maimed and this country needs reporters like you to keep reporting - you can report on something else for awhile - time to step back - and be safe.
Margaret Hall, Chicago IL (Sent May 30, 2006 9:44:29 AM)
You forget about the danger you all are in. You don't think it could happen to news people only soldiers and iraqi civilians. and then this tends to remind us all, we're only flesh and blood.
I'm proud of every single one of you. Please stay alert and safe.
Alan Corrao, Las Vegas, Nevada (Sent May 30, 2006 9:46:46 AM)
Well Ithink being a reporter can be risky. I think you should be careful because the Insurgents are gonig to probably attack media more because what better way to deliver a message to America than killing or maming reporters who report on what is going on. I think the Insurgents want to continue to shake America's resolve and to make things look even more chaotic because they know most Americans are Quitters when the going gets tough unlike generations before us. Please hang in there.
John Carlile , Eugene Oregon (Sent May 30, 2006 9:54:20 AM)
I watched Baghdad ER on HBO last week, and thought to myself that the general public is oblivious to the realities of war. When we hear the term "wounded", I think most people envision cuts and scratches, maybe a bullet hole or two. The truth is, "wounded" means shredded limbs, skin burned beyond recognition, and souls so deeply damaged they may never fully recover.
I don't know how you do it...any of you, whether soldiers, doctors, or press. You are all truly heros. Be well and stay safe.
Stacy Levy, Boca Raton, Florida (Sent May 30, 2006 9:58:15 AM)
While I admire the media for wanting to be in the heat of the moment, I think it's time they realize ITS DANGEROUS! As the mother of a soldier, I want them out of there so that the military can focus on what it is they are there to do, instead of trying to protect the media from harm. It's a war zone, people, not the circus. You are distracting our servicemen from doing their jobs.
Jennifer M. Mroz (Sent May 30, 2006 10:06:06 AM)
you are there for your own personal glory. I think it is selfish of you. Our soldiers have to worry not only about themselves but about reporters, who, if they get the chance, will twist the truth if they can get a "big" story. Remove the adverts from this web site, donate all profts from NBC and your pay to the children in IRAQ, then I'll start believing what you say and maybe feel sorry for you.
myohmy (Sent May 30, 2006 10:08:00 AM)
I have an idea..how about GETTING OUT OF THE COUNTRY!!!!! Let the Marines take care of them. We don't need reporters getting in our way.
Ex-Marine (Sent May 30, 2006 10:09:54 AM)
Too many deaths. Like the war, the journalism coverage in Iraq has lost its purpose. It covers the same images and activity day after day. No matter how bad the images or the situation, the press cannot to sway the administration into admitting its mistake. I'm not disparaging your brave and proud profession, but you have become just as much of a pawn as our troops. Our govenrment is baiting you closer to the enemy in search of good news that does not exist. Come home CBS and cover the war protests at home. Hopefully enough of America have seen through the lies and know that the situation in Iraq will continue to decay as long as we, the United States, try to fix what we so carelessly broke.
Kurt Van Gorder (Sent May 30, 2006 10:16:16 AM)
I am also sorry for the loss of your coworkers and Kim's very serious injuries. Those who are critical of what you do, like myomy (above) have limited ability to see beyond what they are told by this administration, who are secretive and who lie just because they can. Without the bravery of the Fourth Estate, we would be in a sad pass indeed. Stupid people cannot understand that.
I hope you all stay safe. You have my thanks for telling the stories that need to be told in Iraq.
May God keep all of you safe. Linda.
Linda Schumacher (Sent May 30, 2006 10:17:46 AM)
The grief and saddness that comes from this war in The war in Iraq seems endless. We are told there is progress, but can see for ourselves, there is only tragedy for everyone. The tragedy of which you speak is a vivid example of hundreds and thousands of similar stories, many untold. One can only hope that our political leaders are wiser than they appear to be. But, that was my hope in 2003 when President Bush invited our enemies to "bring it on."
Steven Baxter, Baltimore, MD (Sent May 30, 2006 10:18:21 AM)
As a news anchor here in Israel, I fully support your decision to stay and get the stories. I am praying for the families of the lost, the recovery of Ms. Dozier, and your continued well being.
All the best,
David Miller
Israel National News (TV)
David Miller, Kfar Saba, Israel (Sent May 30, 2006 10:19:26 AM)
I too am sorry to hear about the deaths of newsmen in Iraq. What makes me sad is how much news they make and how little the news of the deaths of our sons and daughters makes over there. I lost my son in Iraq on Jan. 5 of this year and all that was said about him was that a soldier was killed by an IED. He was a medic who had trained Iraqi soldiers to be medics for their comrades.His friends and family will forever cry for his loss. He was funny and lit up the room when he entered. He had a name too... Spc. Ryan Doran Walker. Five young men in our community have been killed in Iraq and in Afghanistan. A neighbor's son returned without a leg. How about spending more time talking about these young people instead of your newsmen who are old enough to know the dangers of where they are going. I am sorry for their loss... but thousands of families are mourning the loss of their children, brothers, sisters, husbands, wives, and parents.
Louise Walker, Hermiston, OR (Sent May 30, 2006 10:22:07 AM)
Richard, hang in there you people do a fantastic job. I know you love it--be safe, stay low.
Fred Cole, Jacksonville, FL (Sent May 30, 2006 10:27:24 AM)
Why isn't extensive coverage like this given to members of our armed forces when they are injured?
Ron Kruml, Sammamish, Washington (Sent May 30, 2006 10:28:13 AM)
MYOHMY--what a great statement; I can see you are not for freedom of the press. Freedom comes from bloodshed, folks, and the ugliness these brave civilians show us remind us of this. Mr. Engel is exemplary and shows bravery above and beyond the call. For he and others are not bound and ordered there, they are there to shine to the light on the dark, ugly mess our "leaders" have failed to tell folks like 'myohmy'-- Politicians count on the media getting the black eye and trying to suppress them by removing them from your ugly civil war is very, very UnAmerican, indeed!
Vickey H Manchester, NH (Sent May 30, 2006 10:34:41 AM)
The spirit of Ernie Pyle lives on. Thanks to all of you for telling it straight. You are the only link to honesty that we have there.
Larry Cansler, Tucson, AZ (Sent May 30, 2006 10:47:47 AM)
When will the media stop making themselves "the story." Again, your distraction of our troops has cost lives. Not only the troops but your reporters as well. If any one should get out of Iraq it should be the media. Without the forum you offer the terrorists perhaps the bombings would subside.
Carl Carter (Sent May 30, 2006 10:51:14 AM)
As a patriotic and loyal American, I am proud of each and every military person serving all over the globe and the civilians and media that serves with them. There is so much anti-American sentiment all over the globe, that we Americans should come together as a strong nation instead listening to the ignorant and arrogant talking heads on hate radio and the self serving politicians. We Americans are not the enemy, we love our God, we love our country and regardless of our political choices, we are patriotic.
God Bless America and my prayers for all those who have lost their lives or who are injured or those who have lost their way.
A proud daughter of an Army lifer, a proud sister of an Army brother, a proud wife of a Navy lifer, A proud American.
S.Burke, San Diego (Sent May 30, 2006 10:58:34 AM)
Every single day, there are reports of another roadside bomb killing innocent people in Iraq. The reports never stop. When will those Republicans ever learn?
At the same time, there is not a single report on the war in Afghanistan. I doubt that even one journalist is risking his or her life reporting on a roadside bomb in that region. I'm sure that there must be roadside bombs all over the place in an area where the Taliban and Al Quada are.
There is also an election this year in which the Democrats are trying to win back congress from those evil, dispicable Republicans. That's despite the fact that the Democrats too, voted for the war in Iraq and also have no plans to withdraw the troops.
Military personnel risk their lives for freedom and democracy. Journalists are also risking their lives, but for the sacred cause of Democrats winning elections.
Joseph Mattaino, Winchester, VA (Sent May 30, 2006 11:12:30 AM)
Protecting journalists is an ESSENTIAL part of the job of the troops. Democracy depends on information getting out about every subject that matters to the American people, and war matters a lot. Otherwise, the people are castrated, utterly unable to assert any power. Detailed, on-the-spot information is essential. If it overburdens the troops to have to protect the journalists that we, the people, depend upon to make democratic decisons, then that's only because we never sent in enough troops in the first place.
Mr. Engel, you and the others there have our support and gratitude, just as the troops do. You help to keep America American. God bless you and keep you safe.
Susan Case (Sent May 30, 2006 11:23:39 AM)
This war of choice is very ugly indeed. I commend the press for sticking with it to give us the real story. For those of us who think the press is getting in the way, shame on you. During WWII the imbedded reporters were respected for risking their lives along with troops and getting the real story. But, know that we have hate radio, the press is not respected for either not going outside the Green Zone to get the story and getting in the troops way all at the same time. It is a sad time in the U.S.
David Hosea, Bloomington, Illinois (Sent May 30, 2006 11:55:34 AM)
We need the media covering our troops. Correspondents from Iraq offer the only truly honest oversight of what our government is attempting to do. That being said, I have yet to hear a succinct explanation of why our troops go out on daily patrol. What was the military objective of the patrol that was bombed yesterday? Was it to demonstrate force? Was the objective achieved? I am reminded of the film I saw in elementary school of the British Redcoats being picked off by the Colonists as they marched in formation back from Lexington. Terrible thought to compare the Iraqi insurgency with our own insurgency 200 years ago, yet this is where our actions have brought us. I feel we are in a rut worn deep by the hubris of fallen empires past.
David Vetter, Suffolk, VA (Sent May 30, 2006 11:58:09 AM)
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